Friday, January 22, 2010

Learning daily

The last month has been a hard month for me. But it has been a month growing and learning so much. I think for the first time in a long time I felt like I had lost control and was so worn out from trying to "figure" everything out on my God. Finally after one sleepless night I realized how self dependent and sufficient I tried to become and it just wasn't working. God really showed me that He is there with arms wide open to carry my burdens and I didn't need to be lugging them around all alone.
     One of the things that has been on my heart lately is my family. Right before New Years my cousin, Jonathon, was attacked in a serious stabbing that left him with many wounds and the loss of one of his eyes. His girlfriend was unfortunately killed in the incident. It was a really scary time for my family to have JT be in such serious condition. So many times I would look into my Grandma's eyes and be reminded of the pain that she still has in her heart from my Uncle David's death and she was reminded of that too. My grandma is such a strong woman who I love so much and to see her hurting made my heart hurt even more. This whole oreal has made me offer this all up to God. God was merciful and spared Jonathon's life and for that I am so thankful. I have wrestle with questioning why this happened. God has given me a peace about it and I know that he show justice and that He is a loving God with a purpose for everything. A lot of my extended family are not Christians and I have really been praying that God would use this time to open their hearts to the Gospel.
     Another thing that has been causing a bit of stress in my life is trying to plan for my internship. I explored a few different options but nothing seemed to be working out. I finally took my dad's advice and looked into the Smoky Mountain Children's Home. I emailed them not really thinking much would come from it and then the supervisor called for a phone interview. I missed the call which lead to a week of me calling everyday to talk to someone and no one being available in the office. I became very discouraged and frustrated. I thought that I had finally figured the internship thing out but then there was nothing. This week I decided to call just one last time and then I was gonna just leave it alone. This time I got through and was able to talk with someone. We had a great little talk. It really sounds as if it is going to work out to go there. I now have a phone interview with their HR person on Tuesday or Wednesday to talk about specifics and get all the information for background checks and such.
     I am soooooooo excited for this opportunity. This ministry is doing exactly the kinds of things I want to do post-graduation. God is so perfect in his timing and so faithful to provide. I am really praying now for my internship this summer, specifically that I would be of great help to SMCH. This will be my first summer away from home and really on my own. I will be living in Sevierville,Tennessee. It will be a whole new experience for me and I know I will be stretched in so many ways.