Living a life that is More than Useless

From a young age my parents have taught me about living life in ministry. As a family, we left a life in an up and coming suburb of Indianapolis to move to the area known by law enforcement as the sex offender capital of Indianapolis. I  went from a top 10 Indiana school district to going to a 20 student school with an assortment of children who could not succeed in public schools, mostly due to the such poor rated school district. We went from living life in quiet confines of suburbia to learning to live life in the most dangerous neighborhood in Indianapolis.

At the age of 13 my life got turned up side down.  We made the move to downtown Indianapolis and all I had known about the safety and stability of our every day life was shaken. I think though looking back on my life this has become a defining moment/era for me. All that I was comfortable with was taken away and I was pushed out of my comfort zone. Knowing now that my parents did this for so much more than just the purpose of getting a bigger house. For them it was moving to the city to live among those they were doing ministry with. We moved in hopes of being a light.

My parents gave up a lot in that time. My dad went from working at a corporation to working at a homeless shelter. My mom began working for the church. They both took on leading the school and trying to help students with no motivation be motivate for an education. They took on the role of foster parenting in this time as well. With each of these, they taught me and my siblings to be light in any circumstance that we were put in.

For me this meant:

* Getting lice on a regular basis because we were taught that anyone was welcome in our cars, home and classrooms no matter what little critters were found in their hair.
* Giving up the extras and normalcy of high school to go to the church school
*Befriending friends who were really broken- struggling with their sexuality, drug use, abuse and neglect.
* Using my senior year to finish high school part time and teach Kindergarten part time to a child who suffered from cognitive delays and emotional disabilities.
* Forgiving foster sisters who lied, stole, threatened and physically harmed me.
* teaching Sunday school to kids only a couple years younger than me.
* Learning to live in community at a church in the heart of the city. Preparing and sharing meals with the drug users, prostitutes, homeless, fatherless, broken and assortment of others who came in the door.
* Giving up family time and resources to ensure that families in the church could remain together.


This is just a small picture of how my parents taught me what ministry was. They taught me that ministry is really in the being and doing. It is being the hands and feet of Jesus. Loving the broken because in reality we are the broken too.

This is the biggest reason I have chosen the career I have chosen and why I choose to teach Sunday School every Sunday to a room full of chatty little girls. This is what ministry looks like in my life right now. Being the hands and feet of Jesus where he has me right now. Showing love and compassion to my chatty Sunday School girls, my coworkers, my employees and any one else I do life with on a daily basis. Right now this is my mission field.

Finding my place here

11 months ago today, I started my very first "real" job. I started working at an organization I loved, after volunteering there for 3 years before that. I thought that life was perfect and I was well on the road to happiness and loving my job.  I had a great job lined up, housing included, I'd be living 10 minutes away from all of my best friends, living in a city I loved, having independence from my family but still being close enough for visits. Watch out world, I was going to have the life I wanted!


....HA! These last 11 months have been far, far, far from the rainbows and butterflies life I thought. They have been so hard and so just real. Work in the real world is hard, figuring out living on your own is tough, spending an entire summer in a huge house all by yourself (well, except the crazy family in the basement) is lonely and sometimes scary, trying to find my own real church home is really stressing,  learning that you  aren't cut out to do every little task is humbling. Figuring out how to have my own walk with the Lord without Chapel and classes and friends to always be lifting you up and spuring you on in your Walk was more than I felt like I could handle.


I have spent the last 11 months threatening to throw in the towel, pack up my bags and move to the safety of home. I was ready to run home to my mom's open arms and forget about this hard thing called real life. I have spent the last 11 months trying to figure it all out on my own so I would be happy. Forgetting all along that that was not what I was called to. God has called me to something so much bigger than myself and it takes me dying to myself daily and giving in to his will. 


This week I felt like God really pounded that into my heart and for the first time in the last 11 months I truly felt like I was content with where I was and what I was doing. When it became not about what I wanted and what would be good for me, I found my love for the people again. I found my desire to be serving in ministry and my desire to serve God. 


I feel as if, for the first time in the last 11 months, I am truly happy and truly enjoying where God has me in this moment. I am so thankful for all of the life lessons that I have learned over the last 11 months and look forward to the next 11 month as God continues to teach me to become more about him than me. I am learning about Grace and forgiveness and what they looks like in my life. I am learning about just how much God loves me.